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My Stolen Life

A Personal Story

Copyright © 1999 by Timothy Null

 


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Tears washed his baby face as he sat rocking himself in the corner of his tiny room. His body already absorbed in pain and sexually abused, alone. He shook with the fear of her return because he knew the DEMON LADY was returning. The little boy no longer cried out, because no one heard. He had nowhere left to run, not even to daddy's arms. No one to keep him safe from harm. Not knowing when the DEMON LADY would come, but knowing that she would. Watching, listening, ever vigilant. The creaking sounds of her footsteps echoed in his ears. Her shadow stands out against the sunlight shining through the small window. As her footsteps come closer, he shuts his eyes as tight as he can. Silence, he barely breathes as he opens his eyes and sees the DEMON LADY standing there. The DEMON LADIES eyes are dark and full of evil. He sat there trying not to cringe, rying not to show his fear, even though he knew what was about to happen. fear dries the wetness on his face. He pulls his shirt over his knees in an attempt to protect himself. But, the DEMON LADY covers him like a blanket. The DEMON LADY tells him what she wants and he did what she said and let her do what she wanted to do. She stands when she's done and looks down over him and says "you are nothing and you will never be anything except mine". Faint whimpers escape with hios breath as he struggles to pull himself together. After the DEMON LADY is through with him, her footsteps trail away in the distance. The DEMON LADY has gone for now but he knows she will reappear. He crawls back to his spot, his body wet with tears.

His hopes and dreams are gone now. He closed his eyes and finally let himself go. The little boy was dead, he was cast aside and in his place grew a halfling, one that was not whole, one who could not be. He still looked the part of the small boy. He was one who still did what the DEMON LADY said. One who showed no fear, one that took the pain and abuse. One who showed no no tears. One who was forever changed. The halflinf survived, half living half-dying. While he saw little,felt little and experienced little, the DEMON LADY could not touch his soul for it was buried too deep. When the pain threatened to break through, he fell into the dark embrace of his tiny dark corner. It's two walls holding him like the mother's arms that should have been holding him the way a mother holds her son, not her lover.

The years pass. The DEMON LADY is gone now but her shadow remains. Now memories from the past intrude and become the future. the halfling needs to live again.

The broken pieces of my childhood lay before me. I am trying to see the lies for what they were, the abuse for what it was, and myself for what i am, a man who was sexually abused. I have somehow survived to have a small glimpse of what life can be.

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