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Swallowed by a Snake

Tom Golden Talks About Men and Grief

Audio Tape review Copyright © 1998 by Bert H. Hoff

Tom Golden, Swallowed by a Snake(Gaithersburg, MD: Tom Golden, 1997). Order directly from MenWeb



Tom Golden

Book cover
Swallowed by a Snake
by Thomas R. Golden
Audio Tape based on this book
Order directly from MenWeb

Grief expert and therapist Tom Golden's animated, lively, humorous and passionate presentation on this tape makes this tape well worth it. It is based on a presentation he made to therapists, and it hits on the themes that Tom covers so well in his book Swallowed by a Snake, excerpts from which are on our MenWeb Men and Grief page. Tom makes some very important points, about differences between men and women, and differences in the ways men and women grieve. He makes his points very effectively, as I think you'll agree if you listen to the tape segments we describe below. A humorous tape about men and grief? Well, Tom just demonstrates in his tape one of his important points, that humor is important in the grieving process -- a point we all to often overlook as we try for the solemnity we think the occasion requires.

What else is on the tape? We could only provide a couple of segments. Tom weaves his advice around an old tale about a man swallowed by a snake, and uses this analogy powerfully as he talks about men handling grief. His telling of a Cree tree-wounding ritual works very well. He provides good specific examples of two elements important in a man's grieving process, creativity and practicality, and his story of himself and the male relatives telling stories about his father as they make a box for his ashes is very powerful.

The tape is of a seminar for therapists, and therapists are one good audience for the tape. But Tom stays clear of technical language, and his engaging style makes it ideal for anyone who needs to grapple with the difficult issue of grief in their lives. Women can understand better where men are "coming from," and see why doing often works better than talking about it. Men can be re-affirmed that there's nothing "wrong" with them if they don't grieve in the way that women and many therapists expect. His advice for a therapist at a hospice, who wants to know how her program can support grieving men? They don't come to the support groups she sets up. "Send them out on a fishing boat." Should the therapist go along? "No. The guys will find they guys they need to talk with, and talk about what they need to talk about. Or not talk."

MP3 WebCasts:


Tom Golden

Swallowed by a Snake book

Listen to an MP3 WebCast
Hear MP3 excerpts:
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
If you get a message "file not found on server," try the downloadable versions of segment 1, segment 2 or segment 3.

Author and grief expert Tom Golden talks about men and grief. Tape from a seminar for therapists, on men and grief.

Segment 1:
Our culture is, perhaps, the only one that doesn't find a way to let men express and release their grief. Listen to grief expert Tom Golden, author of Swallowed by a Snake, talk about multi-cultural perspectives on men and grief.

Segment 2:
Grief expert Tom Golden talks about how men handle emotions. Men and women handle emotions differently. We need to recognize this and find ways, other than "talking therapy" to help men handle their grief, according to grief expert Tom Golden.

Segment 3:
Grief expert Tom Golden talks about how men grieve. Men and women grieve differently. Neither way is "right" or "wrong," "better" or "worse." We need to recognize and respect these differences if we are to help men handle their grief, according to Tom.

1 tape, 60 minutes, $13.95
Articles by Tom Golden    Click here to order on-line.

Related stories:

 A Man's Grief, by Tom Golden.

 Men, Grief and Ritual, by Tom Golden, continuing the themes developed in "A Man's Grief"

 A Tree for My Father, by Tom Golden

 On the Anniversary of My Father's Death, by Tom Golden

 A Ritual for my Father, by Bert H. Hoff

 Surviving and Living: Male Childhood Sexual Abuse survivors. Articles, personal stories and valuable information; book reviews and an on-line bookstore; and "Witnessing the process ...", an invitation for men to read men's stories and share theirs, as part of the healing process. Scott Abraham, the Assistant WebMaster for this section of MenWeb, is himself a survivor who has helped many men.


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